You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
These tits shall not be calmed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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