Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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