I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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