i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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