i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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