At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
