i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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