Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
