I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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