I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
