just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
