accomplished twins. life is a go
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
