my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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