I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
