You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize