Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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