so explain again why im purple
no
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
