the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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