She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
