I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
