her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
