at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
