I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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