the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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