Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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