ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you traded sex for a burrito?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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