the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
