they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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