yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
