found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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