I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
