He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
