idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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