its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
