I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
