it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
they need to just BURY HIM!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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