Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
