I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
