am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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