btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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