We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
