i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize