I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
