2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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