I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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