I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
