god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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