Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
