I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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