Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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