I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
