Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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