She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
