Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
