Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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