I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
