I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
