are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
