Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
