Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
