Do vagina's smell?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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