Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
